“

I promise to love you:

at 6am when you’re waking to go to work, to school, or whatever road life takes you on, and when you didn’t sleep well, your hair is a mess, and your eyes are sleepy.

at 8am when we say goodbye for the day and you’re rushing out the door with a cup of tea and your car keys in the other hand.

at 5pm when you’re exhausted from the day and people have worn you out and you feel like crying, and falling asleep and escaping from everything. I will kiss your forehead, and wrap myself in your arms.

at 10pm when you’re heading to bed, even though you won’t sleep for hours. Especially when we become a human knot wrapped up in sheets and kisses.

at 3am when loneliness and sadness do not destroy you, but consume you and when you weep without an explanation, I’ll kiss your lips softly and tell you you’re the absolute best and that things will be better soon

I will love you when you grow old, and I will love you after that. I will love you if I’m no longer here. I will love you, I will love you, and I will love you. 

”

#New

STAY POSITIVE 💋

“

i think i was in love with him
long before i ever realised,
before the time he met my mum,
or bought me my first gift,
or even before we first told each other.

he was different than the others,
i know that’s cliche, but it’s true.
i rush a lot of things to attempt to get
the best out of people as quickly
as possible, but with him i took it slow.

we were talking for a month before
our lips ever came close to touching,
yet i don’t think i’ve ever learnt more
about a person, than i did
through our late night online chats.

i remember i invited him over to
a friend’s house once, it was 
the first time we’d hung out
since we’d kissed, intoxicated, 
around a bonfire.
everyone fell asleep around 2am
but we stayed up together,
the menu screen of a DVD playing
over and over again in the background,
just staring into each other’s eyes;
i’ve never gotten so much information
through silence before.

the first time i stayed over
we were awkward and shy,
but after hours of sitting quietly 
and motionless next to each other,
we finally kissed and it was like
fireworks were dancing around my heart.
we stayed up late that night too,
talking until way past 4am,
telling each other things like 
we’d known each other our entire lives.

but all that time i denied
that i was letting my heart be happy
for the first time in a long time,
and i recall one night back at the
start, we were laying on his bed,
he had made me laugh
louder than i had in over two years;
we were lying just inches apart,
I felt butterflies eating at my insides,
and i nearly said i love you, 
but then i caught his eye, and i knew 
that the look in my face, said it all.

”

Forgotten

Old parchment marked with faded ink from years past,
A compass cracked from being dropped too many times,
A cellphone, worn and dead from ancient consultation,
Cluttered markings on a map, jumbled mess of roads,
Bald tires from driving in large circles without stop,
Piles of books with one stuck beneath the rest,
Dog’s bone buried among so many skeletons in the yard,
The arm of a junkie with several scars of abuse,
Young kid locked away for countless petty crimes,
Stoners isolated, caught up in their elation,
A green frog surrounded by bumpy brown toads,
A scarecrow left solitary in the field of an old crop,
The submitted assignment in a pile of others, never best,
A polished stoned buried with others, pressed and tarred.

“

Here I am sitting on a plane, again, writing, again.
With strangers sitting on either sides of me.
Strangers with millions of untold stories and untapped potential.
Filled to the brim with their own variety of sadness.
Backs breaking under the suffocating weight of their own trials.

Eyes that itch from exhaustion, yearning to be reunited with family, friends, lovers, whomever. The last thing they want is to be sitting in a plane for four hours surrounded by a bunch of strangers. Some of them are probably wondering how they’ll ever get their taxes done in time, while others are dreaming of the smell of their sheets at home. Who knows why they are even on this god awful plane, because of business, death, moving, love, college, or possibly running away.

Whatever the reason may be, they’re still stuck on some plane, headed to Portland, that reeks of peanuts and stale pretzels. 
In the end, all anyone is really trying to do is make it to our final destination. You know? Like finding out what our destiny is really mapped out to be. Just simply striving to strike a happiness gold mine. Yet, we still tread on others who essentially have the same goal we all do. We keep our car windows rolled up, hands gripping so tight on the steering wheel that our knuckles turn white, keeping our gaze locked on something in the horizon, to avoid the homeless man, with three kids, begging for money to feed them.

The human instinct is to put yourself before everyone else. And I just think that’s utterly heartbreaking.

”

—

-a.w

Things my mother should have warned me about.

My mother always told me to not play with matches because I could set the house on fire, and we could all die.
She told me to always look both ways before crossing the street because I could easily get hit by a car and die.

My mother told me not to take any medicine without her permission because I might take too much medicine, which would cause my liver to fail, which would cause my body to shut down, which might then cause me to die.

my mother warned me about all the things that could kill me, but looking back I wish she would have warned me about the things that would make me want to die. 

I wish she would have warned me about all the girls in high school who never actually said anything, but could make you feel so hideous, and little and so unimportant, you would starve yourself until you couldn’t move, in a desperate attempt to be beautiful. 

I wish she would have warned me about the fact that boys with nice smiles and pretty words can also have cold eyes and greedy hands. And I wish she would have told me that they would trick me into giving them everything I had, so they could then leave me body as nothing more than a graveyard of regrets, with tombstone’s marked with their lies.

I wish she would have told me that one day I would fall into a bottom-less abyss of self loathing and incomprehensible sadness that would make me want to not look both ways when crossing the street.

I wish she would have warned me, but nevertheless I learned, so instead when I have a daughter, I will take her new face into my calloused hands and look into her wide brown eyes still shining with innocence and laughter and tell her “Baby, this life is hard, but you are going to make it. There are things that are going to happen that are going to make you want to set yourself on fire, or drink a bottle of pretty pink poison, but I can promise you that that there’s more to life than bruised knees and bleeding wrists.”

My mother may have warned me about the things that would kill me, and I learned about the things that would make me want to die, but not her.
She we learn about the things that will make her want to live.