I don’t really care what anyone says— habit is the best teacher. when you become comfortable enough to experiment and not fear disaster, that’s when you really learn. You can of course form bad habits if you aren’t pushed to grow and adapt, or if you learned the basics incorrectly and have been reproducing them poorly. But when something becomes a habit it’s also easier to examine what you’re doing every time you’re doing it rather than wasting energy worrying that you’re doing it in the first place.

No amount of lessons could help me learn to drive as much as just being told to go drive across the state. No amount of tips could help me learn to cook as much as my parents asking me to do simple tasks every day for dinner. No amount of instruction helped me learn to ride a horse as much as doing the same things over and over and having a critical and fair instructor to tell me what not to take for granted in my confidence. Nothing taught me more about writing than just doing it. Over, and over, and over again. And seeing months later what not to keep. And what to do next time.

Nothing taught me more about how to speak, despite my stutter, than just speaking, every day, reading aloud. Not even actual courses on public speaking.

People talk a lot about bad habits but habit is your friend. Just that habit without a careful eye and good self-awareness is complacency.

My life is about to totally freaking change, guys!

My mother and my stepdad have been fighting for awhile and they have officially decided to get a divorce. 
I’m so excited for what’s going to happen. My mom found this beautiful apartment place that my little sister, my mother, and I can all live in. I’m so psyched for it because the people who live there are so tender and it’s such a clean and classy place. 
It’s not a house, but I don’t want a house. Our new home will be so cute and cozy and I’ll finally feel at home with myself and my family. 
My mom and I will be able to get closer. I’ll overcome my depression. And it’ll be man-free. No stepdad to stop me from eating. I’ll be able to clean while listening to my favorite songs without some man watching over me and telling me what to do. He won’t be able to take my phone or laptop or camera away. He won’t take my clothes from me like he does. Hopefully I don’t have an eating disorder anymore. 
I’ll miss the garden here, but I can start my own when we move! I’ll miss the charm of this house, but I need to move on. 
I also have the option of moving down to Florida. I’ll be able to live with my cousins and aunt in Miami. They’re planning on putting me in some private Catholic school with uniforms. I’ll be able to swim and tan every day and I might get to play rugby again or join the surf team. 
Not to mention that the neighbor next door are from Greece, and there’s a hunk who’s 17 now and damn. That’s all I can say. Eye candy. 
But anyway. I’ll be able to start my whole life over. I can dress like some prep and stop drinking and smoking and become a better girl. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. Either way, I’m just excited for the future and I can’t thank God enough for giving me the opportunity to restart my life and make it so much better for me.

Kind of going along with the post I reblogged about perfectionism the other day, I think maybe that’s part of the urge I—and others—get to apologize in advance to new people we meet.  ”I’m sorry if I say something dumb, I’m sorry if I mess this up, I’m sorry if sometimes I don’t know how to talk to you”.  Because you’re hyper-aware of everything that makes you, in your view, a substandard person and you want to beat them to the punch in pointing it out or noticing it or whatever.  You want people to see you putting yourself down so they know you’re aware of the bad stuff about yourself.

It’s not very healthy!  Who knows if they’d even have thought those things about you in the first place, or even now.  The harder but more productive option, which I have been trying and failing to go for, is to accept those parts of you that you want to apologize for and then work steadily to improve them through actions.  

As I say though, it’s super hard for me and as usual, I’m mostly just speculating so…  Grain of salt, etc.  Just food for thought. uvu

I’m always attracted to these horrible people. Not just in my love life, but the people I’m friends with.

They almost always turn out to be more fucked up than I am. 

I wish you could see into peoples brains, just the first time you meet them, and see what kind of person they truly are.

I’m so sick of all the bull shit, I’m sick of this “girl code” shit. Just because it didn’t work out with you and another person, does not mean you have “dibs” on them for life. 

Let them move on and be happy, let your friends be happy. Unless they where the worst person in the world that did drugs, drank, fucked your sister, and killed your pet they probably just weren’t meant for you.

And fucking learn to respect. When someone does something for you don’t take that shit for granted, thats how they show you they care. And don’t flip shit the first time they put themselves first.

Basically I hate people. Or I just hate people in East Texas. No one care that you were on Tyler, Texas’ version of page six, its Tyler fucking Texas. 

Sorry about the rant, I’m just pissy. 

Why Do People Cheat and Lie So Much???

Why do people cheat on their loyal mate who will love and do anything for them to end up with someone who doesnt have SHIT… as in NOT A DAMN THING on them? I mean, seriously. Now, what i really find hilarious is how they get with that person, realize that the person they cheated on was better and that the person they cheated WITH aint half as great as the person they did wrong, then they come to find out, that they dropped a diamond for a rock. Moral of the story is… if you got a good person LOVE them and NEVER give them up, because there are people in the world who really need them , if you are a good person that just so happened to get fucked over , dont sweat it darling , they’ll come running back with that dry ass ” im sorry” trying to get you back. And all will be well because theyre miserable and you gettin yo’ $$$ up! Love , goldentrilogy. ♡♡♡

why do people lie?
it makes you look like an idiot when you lie multiple times trying to cover your ass when the person asking you the question, KNOWS the real truth. if i ask you to be honest with me, please just tell me the truth. the excuse of ‘i was trying to avoid an argument’ is exactly that…an excuse and that just makes it worse. it makes me think of all the times you have lied to me in the past and makes me doubt my trust in you because now i know you are capable of lying to me.

the only difference is that this time, i knew the truth so i knew the lies you were capable of. even when i gave you many chances to tell the truth, didn’t start yelling or give you any reason to hide it in the first place. what you were lying about wasnt even a big deal at all, which makes me wonder, if you had nothing to hide in the first place, why lie?

now my mind is just going crazy on everything in the past and what else you’ve gotten away with…where do we go from here? just taking couple steps back on everything we’ve been building on. yay.

am i just overreacting?

“If I had to write a poem to end all poems,
it would be the word 'lonely'
in every language.
It would ask for nothing,
only echo, echo, cry, then sleep.
Please don’t make me write it.
Don’t make me be honest.
Not after all this time, all this 
gorgeous pretending.
I have finally spun a story that doesn’t
look like a failure,
and all I want to do is stay in it.
All I want to do is keep singing.
Let me stay in this kingdom without
a name.
The one I made.
Let me sit with my tin crown on my makeshift throne.
Let me do all of it.
Let me fight.
Let me be the dragon and the 
spear that kills it.
I would very much like to be both.”

;Saying

So if you say you love her.. Why would you even bother letting her sleep with guys? Do whatever she wants in a negative way.. You are just simply shallow. 
  You prove that you don’t even give a single fuck about her. Don’t bother, telling her how you feel, playing all bull shit around her feelings because boy please, you don’t even FUCKING CARE. I bet not once in your life, you even cared about her, but YOURSELF. It’s unfortunate to see girls having their heart breaks because of their boyfriends cheating on them or ignoring them or just simply thinking their girlfriends don’t even EXIST. 
  Don’t get me wrong, but what I’m saying is truth and nothing but pure truth. We all have those days, where our idiot boyfriends are out somewhere and we can’t help but think how immature and stupid they are for flirting with another girl when they have a GIRLFRIEND. Bitch, please.

I think we need a disinfectant spray or a Bitch spray be-gone. When a guy tells his friends or someone else or even his own girl; “ I don’t care if you sleep with other guys..” THAT’S NOT LOVE AT ALL ! That’s called, being immature and dumb.. boys, you know better. Okay, some guys are just plain assholes and retards.. just saying.. but at the end of the day, who’s getting the Karma? of course, YOU in the end.