“

silence comes as a shock to the system,
the sudden stillness like cold water thrown over my head – 
my eyes blink slowly open;
sleep dissipates like fog.
i know what i’m looking for
before my eyes can even adjust to the light that seeps in 
through the broken window in the corner

i look up, neither scared, nor surprised;
i knew that it was the hand of Death I saw upon your shoulder
the day you drew up the first plans for this foolish war;
that red coat of yours 
always looked to me like a prophecy. 
dawn bleeds in through the holes in the walls
as my eyes fall, instinctively, on your figure,
lit from behind by a blaze of sunlight;
unarmed, unmoving, yet fiercer than anything on earth – 
who would dare shoot an angel?

my hands grasp at splintered wood
as I pull myself to stand upon shaking legs 
and stagger forwards, body still stiff from sleep
(but, oh, thank god I did not sleep through this.)
i see only your face 
as i stumble over to where you stand,
and, oh, your expression almost floors me – 
don’t waste that look on me, my love;
i will never deserve it

you mistake this for a sacrifice,
an act of bravery
(the first and last time i do not disappoint you),
but, in truth, what choice do i have?
when the sergeant gives the order,
for me, the sun will go out.
and who would elect to live in darkness?
you give my life light and meaning – 
how could i go on once my only candle is extinguished?

you reach for my hand, and smile,
and, truly, i would bear a thousand bullets
to see your face lit up as it is now – 
this is no sacrifice, my love;
it is an honour to be wanted at your side.
you are proud to die for what you love,
and i am grateful that you permit me to do the same

”