Monday, May 26, 2014

I wanna go on a roadtrip someday. Alone or with someone I love. I wanna get away. Explore places. Sleep in the car. Stop a lot just to admire the view. Visit museums and try out coffee shops. Listen to my favorite albums while driving. Have a polaroid camera. Take pretty pictures of the sunrise. Take pictures of myself. Run through a forest. Chase fog. Chase the sun. Spend hours on a field making flower crowns. Feel the wind in my hair. Buy souvenirs. Meet people. Take time to observe. I wanna make memories. I wanna feel alive.
I decided on you, don’t you get that? I decided on you. I don’t want to go fucking other people and then walk around feeling thrilled and then sad, or empty, or whatever. I like the way you smell, and I like the sound of your voice, and I fucking decided on you.

Have you ever noticed how wanting
burns you up
from the inside out?
Like one moment I am whole,
but then I hear 
your voice on the phone
and I swear to god
three blocks away from here
they can smell smoke.

Have you ever noticed how wanting
burns you up
from the inside out?
Like one moment I am whole,
but then I hear 
your voice on the phone
and I swear to god
three blocks away from here
they can smell smoke.
Another nothing
This night I’ve been thinking about my life. Everybody is keep telling me my life was a gift from God and I should be thankful for it. From my father i’ve been learned gifts are things we all want to have. But, I don’t want to live, I didn’t asked for a life, I never felt loved, I never believed myself I’m beautiful or there is someone out there who really loves me for who I am. I don’t know why people are constantly avoiding me, why nobody never hugs me and says, that everything will be okay. I don’t even know if I was born for a reason or I was just a mistake and suprise for my parents. I guess I really was. I never want to breath again, I never want to wake up again, I am tired of smiling and I’m tired loving someone whom I don’t mean nothing. NOTHING. Why?
Definition Of A Real Man
  • Had a major ibs attack that has me still wiped out, but thanks to my fiance he made the day worth while & bearable. He stood by me & helped me & nurtured me. Made me laugh to distract me from the pain, wiped my tears away. I love him more the he'll ever know....he's even staying up late!! I think its cause he wants to make sure I'm ok, & knows I have insomnia so he worries I might need him & so he's staying up to be here for me. All I can say is thank you God! This life may be a real s.o.b at times, but with C.B <3 even those days are worth having because he's with me. Oddly enough as bad as today was pain wise, today was one of the best days of my life...shhh!! don't tell anyone. ok?
A Thousand Beautiful Things.
(Note: Title and story based of a song by Annie Lenox, and the words in quotations are lyrics drone the song.)
"Every day I write the list of reasons why I still believe they do exist… A thousand beautiful things."
Jemma never really got passed depression. Not really. No one ever does. Ever since she was little she was always on the verge of sinking into it, and when she was in the depths, the idea of ending it was always on her mind. She could count the times she had nearly done it, nearly killed herself. The first time had been on the monkey bars when she was nine. She had actually tried that time, letting go when she had thought no one was looking. She had only broken her leg. The next was when she was twelve, the bullies had ganged up on her at school, and after she climbed her favorite tree as high as it would go. She changed her mind when a branch broke underneath her. When she was fourteen she came across a gun. She had her finger on the trigger when she remembered she had a library book she needed to return (the gun was gone when she came back). She never thought about suicide at the academy, or at all after, because for the first time she had a friend, someone to talk to. He was a reason to stay. After she met him, everyday she would write a list of everything she was glad of, and how beautiful life was as a whole. The last time wasn’t exactly suicide. Jumping out of a plane to save your friends doesn’t really count.
"Even though it’s hard to see, the glass is full, and not half empty… A thousand beautiful things."
She had always been a little careless with her life, something that came of thinking about taking it. But she cared about her friends so much that the other reason didn’t matter anymore. Her friends were why she jumped out of the plane, flung herself in front of a supposed grenade, and countless other things. Including dragging Fitz’s unconscious body up ninety feet of water, to an uncertain fate.
"So light me up like the sun! To cool down with your rays! I never want to close my eyes again! Never close my eyes… Never gonna close… my eyes…"
Now, sitting next to his still unconscious form, she considers it again. Considers ending it all, like she tried to do so many years ago on the monkey bars. Listening to the shallow breathing of her partner and best friend, and the steady beeping of the machines keeping him alive, it seems like a wonderful idea. So many serums lying around… So many different ways to end it. But then she feels his hand in hers, remembers why she’s here, holding it, and finally, finally, the thought of suicide is permanently erased from her mind, along with the worry of Fitz not making it through. All gone with a little squeeze from his hand, and an even breathe, a steady heart beat, and a glimmer of blue from beneath heavy eyes.
"I thank you for the air to breath, heart to beat, the eyes to see again! A thousand beautiful things…"

Sunday, May 25, 2014

What happened with the people what they become it's not normal the whole world i down i don't understand really what happened with the peace ha ? WHAT ? Clm down you are not robots live your life don't watch the others just keep calm and live it !!

everything is strange the way we live the way we say hello
Hello people wake up you are not normal really
what's that you carry a lot and I don't really care
you are stupid persons you are not yourself
i don't know just run the world!!!
Life is so strange... RUN!!

Monday, May 19, 2014

I think nostalgia of the disease is perhaps one of the biggest problems affecting those in recovery.
Instead of remembering all of the family functions, dinners with friends, or possible dates you skipped, you romanticize your control, your hunger, and your socially acceptable suicide. We should treat these thoughts like fire: they are quick to spread and even quicker to destroy any progress. In recovery, we must guard ourselves from unhealthy nonsense and stay firm in reality.
I thought I mattered to you. follow :))
Pray for Serbia & Bosnia
Tužno je što mora da dođe do neke velike nesreće da bi ljudi konačno postali ljudi. Još tužnije je što neki samo gledaju kako da izvuku korist od toga. 
Oduvek sam imala više sreće nego pameti, onaj ko me čuva to jako dobro čini, i veliko mu hvala na tome. Nisam ugrožena, ni ja, ni niko moj. Srećom. Ne važim za osetljivu osobu, empatija mi je slabo razvijena, ali fotografije i tekstovi čak ni mene ne ostavljaju ravnodušnom. Biti nemoćan je nešto najgore. Sediš, posmatraš kako sve što si imao nestaje i ne možeš da uradiš ništa.. Kaže drugarica, njenima u Obrenovcu je potpuno propao stan, koji i dalje otplaćuju, kao i nov nameštaj, a čovek je, umesto da ode kod porodice, smiri se.. otišao u Šabac da pomogne, da se nekome ne bi desilo ono što se desilo njemu. I to su ljudi. Takvi treba da budemo uvek, ne samo kad dođe do ovakvih situacija.
Mami je neki dan, usled jakog vetra pukla kesa i stvari su poispadale po mokrom trotoaru, a niko, apsolutno niko nije prišao da pomogne. U poslednje vreme, oko škole se mota neki stariji čovek, prosijak, a pojedini, umesto da ga obiđu i iskuliraju kad već ništa neće da mu daju, stoje i zajebavaju ga. Kakvi smo to ljudi postali? Lepo je neko napisao “Ne vredi Bože, neće ova kiša očistiti obraz našeg naroda”. Možda i jesu sitnice, ali u tome je stvar. Ne postaje se čovek preko noći!
Volim kišu, mnogo više nego Sunce, ali zaista mislim da je bilo dosta, jer kako to obično biva u životu, najviše stradaju oni kojima je najgore. Zna nesreća na koga da krene. 
Uništavamo prirodu svakodnevno, ne shvatajući da je ona mnogo jača od nas i da svakog trenutka može da uzvrati udarac, a bitka sa njom je, kao što svi znate izgubljena. Zato i treba da dođe do promena, korenitih promena, jer ko zna kako će biti sledeći put..
Pray for Serbia & Bosnia!
I can't believe this
Serbia and Bosnia are flooded, our cities are dissapearing, our people are dying, so many people have lost their homes, but it looks like nobody cares about us at all!!! Serbia and Bosnia are not ok, there is not enough food, drinkable water, clothes, electricity… My city is not in danger right now, but if the dam on lake Celije breaks because of melting snow from mountains, we’re going to be another absolutely ruined city…
This is how Serbia looks right now! Please, please help us if you can!
Pray for Serbia! Pray for Bosnia!

Friday, May 16, 2014

1) People with depression are sad all the time. People with depression look like normal people. They can smile. They can laugh. They don’t cry all the time in public. Often depression will make you numb, not even necessarily sad. My depressive episodes are marked by changes in sleeping schedule, motivation, appetite. Depression does not equal sadness.

2) In bipolar disorder, mania/hypomania is the good part. True, you may not be suicidal, but often in mania/hypomania, you are very irritiable, reckless, impulsive, and do risky behaviors you wouldn’t normally do possibly endangering yourself and others.

3) PTSD only happens to soldiers. PTSD can happen to anybody who has been through trauma. This includes domestic violence victims, sexual assault victims, witnesses to violent events, etc.

4) People with eating disorders are just dieting. Often eating disorders are an effort to cope with depression, trauma, or lack of control. It often involves much more than food and weight. It may start out with a weight obsession or a dieting obsession, but it is difficult control and not voluntary like dieting. Simply forcing them to eat is not the solution.

5) People who attempt suicide/self harm are asking for attention. Very often, a suicide attempt will not be successful. Each suicide method has a different level of lethality. People who attempt suicide and people who self harm are not looking for attention and most of the time they’ll try to hide it from people. They’re looking for an escape and they’re not sure how to ask for help. Every suicide attempt and attempt to self harm should be taking seriously.

6) People with anxiety/panic attacks just need to relax. It’s easier said than done. Anxiety will blow even the littlest things out of proportion. Like most mental illnesses, anxiety does not follow the rules of logic.

7) People with schizophrenia are violent. There are different kinds of schizophrenia and not all schizophrenics are violent.

8) People with mental illness or people who have been hospitalized are crazy and I should stay away from them. They are not a bad influence. They are not crazy. Would you discriminate if it was a medical illness? It’s much easier to judge than it is to understand. Mental illnesses are not contagious.

9) I don’t want to be friends/in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness. It’s so much baggage. A mental illness should not be a dealbreaker in your friendship/relationship with someone. Just like a medical illness would not be. It just makes them different, and like all differences, you will learn to accept it.”

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Discussing Conchita winning Eurovision with my boss:
Her: It’s wrong
Me: Why? 
Her: Why should I have to explain that to my children, what he/she/it whatever she is? 
Me: Why should you not, have to explain it to your children? And If you’re unsure what pronoun to use, you can say they or them, don’t say it! 
Her: Whatever, my daughter asked why she had a beard, what am I supposed to say? If she wants to be a woman, be a normal woman, why does she have to have a beard, it’s confusing for my children! 
Me: You can explain it like this: Imagine, that you feel comfortable as a woman, and as a man, and that you can take the best parts of both, and that’s how you feel happiest. It’s the same as you wearing jeans and a tshirt and feeling comfortable with yourself. Conchita feels beautiful in a dress, and with a beard. There’s nothing wrong with that. 
Her: It’s wrong. Be a woman or be a man, there is no in between. I don’t care about if people want to dress like a woman, I don’t care if people are gay, I just don’t want it shoved in my face, and my children’s face. 
Me: Don’t you see why that’s wrong? You can’t say you don’t have a problem with it, if you’d basically prefer they stay hidden. 
Her: That’s their decision, I just don’t want it shoved in my face. 
Me: Okay, well when did you decide you were straight… 
Her: I didn’t, I just am, I just always have been. 
Me: Then don’t shove it in my face. So what you’re saying is, it’s alright for instance, for straight people to kiss in public, but if two gay people were to kiss that’s wrong? 
Her: You don’t understand me, you’re not listening, I haven’t got a problem with gay people, I have gay friends, I just don’t think it’s right for them to parade their values around on the television. Did you not hear what Conchita said, she said something about how ‘we’ can do whatever we want, that’s encouraging it!! 
Me: It’s not encouraging anything, it’s giving people hope, it’s not all of a sudden going to turn people gay, or make men wear dresses. Don’t you see what you’re saying? You’re saying that you don’t care if people are gay, or cross dress, or whatever, but that they shouldn’t have the same rights as straight people, that they shouldn’t be allowed to kiss in public, or be on the television. 
Her: No, no, you don’t understand. 
Me: I think I understand perfectly. Let me ask you this, what if your son came to you one day, and said he had a crush on another boy? 
Her: -pulls a face- I’d have to deal with it, I mean it would hurt me. But I’d deal with it. 
Me: So do you not see, that by you at the moment forcing this ideology onto them that Conchita, cross dressing, being gay, all of that is wrong, you’re possibly denying them the ability to be comfortable with who they are? What if your son, or your daughter is gay. But that from listening to you, all their life saying it’s wrong, they never really feel like they can be who they want to be. That they have to hide it away, because you disapprove, because you say it’s wrong, and because of this, they’re never truly happy to be themselves. 
Her: Well… not everybody thinks like you, you’re mad at me aren’t you?
Me: I’m not mad at you, you’re entitled to your own opinion. The world would be a terribly boring place if everyone had the same opinion. You never learn anything from someone who thinks exactly the same way as you.
Listen, Conchita IS NOT a trans woman
I’m really happy that Conchita Wurst has won Eurovision and I don’t care about people who hate her. I love drag queens, I love her and she’s beautiful. I got used to homophobes and bigots and their comments on Conchita don’t make me angry or sad. However, I’ve seen comments written by ‘allies’ who think she’s a trans woman and I just… ugh I just can’t.
Conchita Wurst is not a trans woman, she has nothing to do with trans issues. We refer to her as “she” because she’s in drag and presents herself as a bearded female on stage. Privately, Conchita doesn’t exist. It’s exactly what drag queens do for a living, most of them, however, don’t wear beards. From all I know, she decided to wear beard because without it she looked just like a woman, and drag queens should be more “exaggerated”. 
Privately Conchita is a cis gay man, Tom Neuwirth, and saying he identifies privately as woman is misgendering.
I don’t think people get what drag queen actually is or maybe it’s that beard which makes people confused? Or naturally feminine face of Tom? Even without make up he looks kinda like a girl. Anyway, fucking nice to see how whole world talks about Conchita and now gender specials spread misinformation, this time internationally for everybody, not just for Tumblr community. Congratulations.
some people don’t understand why conchita winning eurovision matters to me so much
this shows that europe still has hope
that there are people who won’t despise a person because they’re brave enough to be themselves out in the open for everyone to see
it helps me to believe in a future where everyone can be who they want to be, love who they want to, dress how they want to
a future where people aren’t denied a job because of the way they look, their piercings, hairstyle, tattoos etc
where people aren’t fired because they are open about their sexuality and gender 
this is showing the closeted youth or those who are still figuring things out that it’s okay to be yourself and that there are lots of people who will accept you the way you are and you won’t need to hide away
and i think that is amazing
You know, I created this bearded lady… I wanted to show the world that you can do whatever you want. It’s not about the colour of your skin, it’s not about where you’re from. If you want to be a bearded lady, you’re allowed to do that, because you’re not hurting anyone. And that’s the thing: if you’re not hurting anyone, you can do whatever you want with your life. It’s so cheesy, but we only have one life, so you better have a happy one.
— Conchita Wurst [ESCKAZ in Copenhagen: Austria meet and greet Conchita Wurst]

Don’t get me drunk. I will dance until my body can no longer function and I will say the most random shit that is irrelevant, and I will go on and on about this boy who I love but is currently on my, “You’re being a dick” list.
And if you call me at 4 am, too sad to even say hello, I will listen to your silence until you fall asleep. If you need to cry I will not wipe your tears away because you are only human and sometimes tears are as close to laughter as you can get and that’s okay. If you get sleepy I will let you drool on my arm and I won’t laugh at you if you snore too loud. If you need to yell so hard that your voice cracks and your knees fail I will hold you up and yell with you. If you get so angry you punch your hands red I will ice your knuckles and tell you that wounds heal both inside and out, and just like the cold that is harsh and burning, I will always be the warmth to soothe you and make you feel better. I will love you.
There are two reasons why people don’t talk about things; either it doesn’t mean anything to them, or it means everything.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

I’m not sure. But there’s something about the darkness, the stillness of this hour, I think, that creates a language of its own. There’s a strange kind of freedom in the dark; a terrifying vulnerability we allow ourselves at exactly the wrong moment, tricked by the darkness into thinking it will keep our secrets. We forget that the blackness is not a blanket; we forget that the sun will soon rise. But in the moment, at least, we feel brave enough to say things we’d never say in the light.
truth is, 
I painted my nails your favorite color, then peeled it off
truth is,
the skin over your Adam’s apple tasted like an apple
truth is,
I pretended to want my Anchorman DVD back, just as an excuse to see you
truth is,
I actually love your hairy
legs, even though I called you
Chewbacca on numerous occasions
truth is, 
this apartment is too big with only one person in it 
truth is,
the other side of the bed still smells like you
truth is,
I still say your name in my sleep, and when I wake up
I still check the couch when I don’t find you in bed
I name every bruise, every cut, every ache, after you
you are the fire escape I broke my arm climbing,
you are the door I leave open every time I go out
truth is, 
I’m not over anything about you
I still trip on the person I was when you loved me
Words, I think, are such unpredictable creatures.
No gun, no sword, no army or king will ever be more powerful than a sentence. Swords may cut and kill, but words will stab and stay, burying themselves in our bones to become corpses we carry into the future, all the time digging and failing to rip their skeletons from our flesh
An all die bescheuerten Anons: Habt ihr Minderwertigkeitskomplexe? Langeweile? Keine Hobbys? Kein Gewissen? Mal so ne Frage: Was is aus dieser Jugend geworden? Wie tief muss man sinken? Wie armselig kann man eigentlich sein? Warum macht man sowas? Wieso muss man andere anonym fertig machen, beleidigen und verurteilen? Euer Niveau is wohl schon längst schreiend davongerannt. Ich weiß nicht, was euer Problem ist oder warum ihr das tut. Ich weiß es nicht und ich werds auch nie verstehen. Dass ihr euch noch als Menschen bezeichnet ist schon dreist. Ihr macht andere fertig aus zu viel Langeweile oder weil ihr nich genügend Aufmerksamkeit bekommt? Oh wie schlimm es gibt Menschen die viel schlimmer dran sind, denn es geht immer schlimmer. Ich werde jedes Mal so wütend wenn ich solchen Mist auf anderen Blogs aber auch hier lesen muss. Mit Gefühlen spielt man nicht. Man ver- und beurteilt keine Menschen, wenn man ihre Geschichte nicht kennt. Selbst dann nicht. Ihr habt doch keine Ahnung und tut als wärt ihr die größten. Ganz ehrlich? Ihr seid feige, armselig und niveaulos. Mehr nicht. Anonym haten? Kommt geht zum Spielplatz da seid ihr besser aufgehoben. Ihr macht Menschen grundlos fertig. Mal kleiner Tipp: niemand kann was für eure schlechte Laune oder eure Situation besonders niemand den ihr nich mal kennt also lasst es verdammt nochmal nicht an anderen aus! Also Anons wie wärs wenn ihr mal schön dezent eure Schnauze haltet und euch um eure eigenen Probleme kümmert? Ich denke das wäre sinnvoller. Ihr seid der Grund wieso sich so einige Menschen umbringen wollen oder es bereits getan haben, in die Magersucht geraten, sich schneiden, sich verletzen, sich selbst hassen und vieles mehr. Sowas is einfach nur das letzte. ICH HASSE EUCH ALLE! ICH HASSE EUCH VERDAMMTEN FEIGEN PISSER! Ihr seid einfach zu bemitleiden mehr nicht. So mal viel Spaß beim haten ich hoffe euch is bewusst dass ihr dadurch auch zu Mördern werden könnt. Dass ihr an dem Tod eines Menschen Schuld seid. Gefällt euch das? Gefällt dir das? Wirklich? Egal wer wenn du gerade gedacht hast "ja" dann geh dich begraben. Also alle Anons die meinen einen auf cool machen zu müssen, alle mal dezent eure Schnauze halten.
So ihr könnt mich ruhig haten, aber dann nur mit Gesicht, denn anonym is feige. Leider muss ich euch enttäuschen und sagen, dass ich nur darüber lachen werde. Sowas is nämlich wirklich lächerlich, kindisch und unreif. Lasst es bleiben ihr Pisser und haltet einfach eure Fresse. Bei sowas bekomm ich solche Aggressionen.. Man sollte echt Stühle nach euch werfen.. Wobei nein lieber Ziegelsteine die tun besser weh :) Küsschen bitches ;*
Say whatever you want, say that Shishio was confused or scared for both Suzume and him and about what’ll happen with them if they found out their relationship. But what he did… I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to forgive him. If he was that scared about their relation, couldn’t it have been more easier to say ” I love you, but this is too dangerous or bad, let’s wait al least until you graduate if you are willing to wait for me”. Was it that hard to be honest? And now that Suzume has the chance to move on it’s the time he says what he really wants? 
He’s not a goddamn child anymore, he should know how much he hurt her and about the feelings of Mamura and all the hard work he did just to get her to feel the way he feels. 
I love sensei, but all of this, his actions and his selfishness gets on my nerves. I can’t stand it.
Mamura has always been honest, always standing beside her. I now has a chance, and I do not intend to accept Shishio getting in the way.
Say whatever you want. Love him and accept him if thats what makes you happy. But don’t force other people to do it.
I’m just saying.
Me, Sister and Mom No.1
(Helping my sister to decide what to wear)
Me: I think the white one I chose suits amazingly those leggings
Sister: are you sure?
Me: yeah, of course!!! But if you want I can ask mom so she picks the opposite one
(Going living room)
Me: Mom. What do you think, the blue and white stripes one, the blue one or the one you last saw on her?
Mom: oh! I so love that green Abercrombie you are wearing, I would say this one.
Me: …
Me: do you realize we were talking about my sister?
Mom: oh… Yes… Emm… The one you chose.
(I go back to my sister’s room)
Sister: what did she said?

Me: the one I’m wearing
Sister: yeah, So I’ll go with the one you chose. I heard, since she is watching her tv program I knew she wouldn’t give a fuck.
At the right time, for the right opportunity, the right door will open.
I attend an alternative high school, people think that I’m here because I’m addicted to drugs or that I’m a teen mom. That’s not the case at all, I’m at this school by choice, I chose to leave my school and all of my friends for a better education and so far I’ve been getting the best education I could possibly get. I’m a completely different person since I started at this school. Yes there are still people who think that I have been on drugs in the past and that’s why I’m here. Have I done drugs? The answer is yes I have smoked marijuana, is that the reason I’m at this school? No. Do I regret smoking? I don’t really know if you can truly regret smoking pot, there was a reason you started, once you start its not always the easiest thing to stop doing. I haven’t smoked for 3 years now, but do i regret trying it, no i don’t its something everyone is going to try at some point in their life. I have also been asked if I drink? I have drank in the past I don’t drink all the time, I’m lucky enough to have parents that allow me to experiment with alcohol at home with them, which is probably the reason that I don’t like drinking, sure I don’t care for wine, beer, gin, or margaritas, but I do like the taste of Vodka and when my parents found out that the taste doesn’t bother me but actually makes me drink it more they stopped buying it and keep it out of the house to keep me out of trouble. Since my sister has done almost everything that I started doing she knows how to communicate with me and she understands why I rebel against out parents and why i would stop showing up at my old school. She doesn’t always give me the best advice on what I should be doing with my life, but she’s still there. I guess I’m just grateful for the family that I have because without them I wouldn’t be finishing my sophomore year, with the plans to graduate next year. My family is some of the most important people in my life and I couldn’t do any of this without them.
so my mom has been out of town for a week now, and doesn’t know when she’s gonna be home.
(her father died the day after she went up to see him in the hospital, that’s why she left.)
but basically I have the house to myself, minus my dog and cat,
what would normal people do?

what am I doing?
computer, homework, smoking until I pass out, sleeping after school until ten or whatever, eating junk food, walking around the house in underwear.

sweet jesus if this is what owning your own house feels like (boo bills :C)
sign me the fuck up plz.
The power to win is in your hands…so don’t stop now. Don’t even think about it! Don’t let a delay become a denial.
Change your strategy. The law of possibility is on your side. Go outside yourself. Ask for help and don”t stop until you get it. Come back and look at it again with fresh eyes.
Focus on winning - not on the obstacles or challenges. Don’t obsess and stress about what you need, or what’s going wrong in your life. Keep working at it. You have to eat it, sleep it, breathe it and believe it. Open your mind to bold thinking and don’t be afraid to take even bolder actions. Keep on reaching for your victory. Dig down deep. Release your inner strength and power. You got this!! You Deserve!!
— Les Brown
Just being yourself, being who you are, is a successful rebellion.
Du weißt dass ich immer für dich da bin wenn du jemanden zum reden brauchst. Und nein du ziehst mich damit nicht runter, dass einzige was mich dabei traurig macht ist der Gedanke daran dass du traurig bist. Du bist so unglaublich toll, du weißt nicht mal ansatzweise wie sehr.
Some people will bring you down when they see you changing, evolving, and becoming better. It is because somehow they have to make themselves feel better because they lack the willpower to do what you are doing. IGNORE THEM.
People blow everything celebrities say way out of proportion. It’s like they forget that even famous people are human beings. They make jokes, they have opinions and views on things, and they make mistakes. You can not tell me that you have never made an inappropriate joke, or a joke that some may find funny and others may find offensive. You may not have seen any underlying meaning, because you didn’t think about it too hard, you just said it. You can not tell me that you’ve never had an opinion that most people disagreed with. I know for a fact that a lot of you, myself included, don’t think and analyze every single thing we are about to say before we say it, just to make sure we don’t offend any one person. Stop twisting celebrities words and making them out to be awful people for having opinions, and making jokes, and just saying certain things that offend you, because it’s not like they do it on purpose. They are human beings, and they aren’t perfect and they make mistakes. Let them live their life, and make those mistakes and learn from them, and quit making them walk on eggshells about everything they want to say. Treat them like real people, like you and me, because we’re not perfect either. 
Thank you goodbye.
Some thoughts on tonight's Agents of SHIELD episode 20 (spoilers)
Yea, I write too many metas, but a few people have been requesting another one on this episode, so…
First off, I hate John Garrett more than I have ever hated a fictional character ever. That promo for next week… yea. We’re screwed. 
Gosh, this episode just broke my heart. Everyone is applauding Skye for playing him, and for being two steps ahead of him, and for using the moves he taught her against him when she fights him, but for my part, it just kind of broke my heart all over again. Yes, Skye is incredibly badass and strong and I knew she wasn’t going to let this break her, but my heart broke for her because she is the one who holds onto hope even when no one else does. 
I thought it was incredibly significant that she was able to look at Deathlok and still see Mike Peterson. She appealed to his humanity, and it breaks me that she’s lost hope in Ward’s. I mean, it’s completely understandable, and I think Chloe did an incredible job of capturing the hurt and betrayal that Skye must be feeling. 
But damn this is still the saddest episode I’ve seen to date, because it was like watching Grant Ward unravel. He’s supposed to be the “super spy” and the unfeeling, cold-blooded specialist— because that’s who he has tried to be and who he has always believed he is— but in this one he shows again that it’s impossible for him.
First of all, he’s good at espionage, and all he can figure out is that Skye seems a little “nervous.” He doesn’t freaking figure out that she’s playing him, because he wants so badly to believe the good she has seen him. He wants to believe he can still have that; have her. 
And then the scene in the diner. The look on his face when Skye says, “It must be hard, living a double life. Getting close to people, only to turn on them” is the look of a man who literally has no hope left for himself. You can see that same hopelessness in last week’s episode, when May talks about orders, and Ward just shakes his head and says that “you get orders and you don’t think about it; you just follow them. No matter the price.” He thinks he knows already how this will end; it will end as it has always ended for him. With loss, with impossible choices, with heartbreak. Because that’s all he’s ever known. 
And Ward should have known in a second when he asks Skye not to talk about Garrett and betrayal at that moment, and she just says sardonically, “If you had one more moment before you shot him in the back of the head so heroically…” This comment should have seemed too vindictive; too intrusive, coming from Skye if she didn’t know, but Ward, although he’s upset by it, doesn’t seem to think it’s out of the ordinary. What a cold, unfeeling super spy should have done at that moment would be to drag her out of the diner and assume that she knew everything. What Ward does is sit there and let her words destroy him, because he believes he should be destroyed; because he has never known anything else. 
And then the next bit: that super-spy who is supposedly so good at hiding his feelings? You can see the complete devastation when Skye tells him he’s a disgusting, backstabbing traitor who should rot in hell. He’s not devastated when she turns the screen to face him and reveals that she tipped off the police, he’s devastated when he sees himself through her eyes. He’s devastated that the woman he fell in love with sees him as a monster— and he’s devastated because he believes that to be true, too. 
Even after this, though, even after he is completely devastated, when Skye runs towards danger/Deathlok, he literally screams her name because he’s terrified that something will happen to her, and when he sees the cops throwing her against the squad car, he screams her name again. Friendly reminder that the only time we’ve ever heard Grant Ward lose it like that was when Skye had been shot and her body was reacting against the alien drug (right after they inject her, Ward is literally screaming Skye’s name in front of freaking Garrettbecause he thinks he’s losing her). 
When she pulls away in the car, he chases her and yells, “You don’t understand! I’m not trying to hurt you!” And it’s so devastating, because he’s not. Because he went in on an undercover mission under orders from the person he cared about most, and whatever his horrendous actions and twisted logic and the absolute hit he’s done, Grant Ward has never once wanted to do anything but protect Skye. 
I know I’m overanalyzing ever scene they have together, but Ward’s conversation with Mike as Skye wakes up on the bus is really, really important. Garrett didn’t trust that his best weapon, his best recruit, would be able to get information out of a simple hacker— in fact, he was so sure that Ward cares about Skye that he sent Deathlok to try to prevent exactly what happened. I’ve said it before: Ward owes Garrett everything, but Garrett has seen the threat Skye poses a long time before anyone else, and he is terrified that he’ll lose Ward’s loyalty because of her. And I don’t know about you, but I love that Skye puts fear into the heart of a top Hydra agent. 
"I was on a mission. It was nothing personal." Oh, Ward. His greatest weakness is how incredibly personal everything is for him. His loyalty to Hydra? Because he’s personally loyal to Garrett. The way he’s put his life on the line for Skye and the team? Because he, personally, could not stop himself from falling in love with her. 
However, I thought the most significant moment in this episode is when we get a brief glimpse of that hopeful, compassionate Skye when she talks to Mike Peterson. She amazes me, because after all this, she can look at Deathlok and still see Mike Peterson. She tells him he has a choice; tells him that no matter what they’ve done to him, he’s still Mike Peterson, and contrasting that with Ward is a phenomenal parallel. If she can still look at Deathlok with hope that he’ll choose to be something more, something better, I believe someday she’ll be the one to look at Ward with that same hope. No, Ward doesn’t have the eye piece controlling him, but in some ways he’s gone through even more than Mike, and is being “controlled” more than Mike. Ward’s redemption arc hinges on this: that Skye, who has this incredible capacity to see good in people, will convince Ward that there’s something left in him to save. 
I think it’s incredibly symbolic that Skye was responsible for making Ward’s heart start beating again. Ever since she has met him, she has been bringing life into the worst places Ward has been, and now— even being angry with him, even feeling as hurt and betrayed and pissed off and wanting him to hurt— even now she is willing to save his life. Goddamn, our girl is so incredibly strong and brave and compassionate. 
So I guess all this rambling is just to say that I have never been more hopeful about Grant Ward’s redemption story. Ward is broken, finally, and he realized just how dispensable he is to Garrett. Ward has never believed he was worth saving— and when he thought he was dying, when he choked out Skye’s name, I don’t believe he thought she or anyone was going to save him, because he has been trained to believe that the only person who would think he’s evenworth saving is Garrett. This is exactly what John Garrett has feared since he first saw the way Ward had fallen for Skye: Ward doesn’t owe his life to Garrett anymore. He owes it to Skye. 
Any publicity is good publicity
I don’t know if people will get mad at me for saying this, but I am going to say it anyway!
I think people need to stop talking about TO especially on Tuesdays, I don’t think it is a coincidence that there is always some sort of drama that has everyone talking about the show or one of the cast members on Tuesdays.
I once read somewhere that TO was one of the most talked about shows on social media, they failed to mention though that it was mostly negative talk, but to them it doesn’t matter because in Hollywood any publicity is good publicity. Every time you talk about a show whether you say something positive or negative someone is making money.
I personally think that they do it on purpose because they know that if fans are riled up they will start talking about their show and that for them is free publicity.
So do not give them what they want, stop talking about them, because whether you say something positive or something negative they are still winning and the only thing you get is ruining your day over people that neither care nor appreciate you and they are so not worth the time you waste talking about them! 
no cultural appropriation
not for any reason, even simple assimilation
no one is allowed to willingly share their culture
in fact no cultures are allowed to mix at all
divide the population into sectors based on their culture to keep them from mixing
travel is strictly prohibited
sharing information of any sort between sectors is strictly prohibited
speaking a language outside your sector is strictly prohibited
anyone displaying any form of cultural abnormality is to be taken to the Empty Room for a Friendly Reminder Session until they return to normal
We will know if these rules are broken
This is for the good of mankind
( ◕ ◡ ◕ )( ◕ ◡ ◕ )( ◕ ◡ ◕ )( ◕ ◡ ◕ )
Don't Let me Go || Rirry
Harry has officially had his heart ripped from his chest and whacked a couple times with a handbag. For a couple moments Harry couldn’t even bring himself to breathe. It was like the weight of the entire world fell down on him, cutting of his oxygen supply until he sucked in a much needed breath and screamed. He screamed in frustration, in anger, in sadness, and in pain until he couldn’t anymore. He’d been so stupid, such a goddamn idiot and now there was nothing he could do and she was gone officially from his life. 
After standing there for a good five minutes he takes a step forward to leave, to go back into his dorm and take a hot shower and just not move for a long time because why would he want to. As if everything hated him he trips and almost falls face first onto the concrete. His gaze traveled down to his feet which were tangled slightly in Rita’s purse. He sighed and untangled his foot from the handle and brushed the contents of which he had spilled back into the bag. His hand wrapped around her phone as he stood up, about to toss it back into the bag with her other things when it lit up and Harry almost wanted to throw it against the floor. Her wallpaper was a picture of them Harry was highly convinced that it wasn’t okay. Not now. 
He dropped the phone down into her purse, figuring he’d ask someone to give it to her later. Or he’d leave it hanging on her door knob when he knew she was gone. Either way she’d get it back without having to see him. He trudged silently from his spot, the rain not relenting one bit and Harry could almost hear god laughing at him. He pushed open the door and climbed the stairs to his dorm floor before shoving open the door and dropping her purse by the door. Once it was shut behind him he walked right into the bathroom, ignoring Liam’s questioning. Once he’s showered and in dry clothes he walked out of the bathroom and flopped right on his bed face first. “Liam, do me a favour and tell me I’m the biggest asshole on the face of the planet,” Harry muttered into his pillow, tears thick in his throat. “You’re the biggest asshole on the face of the planet,” Liam doesn’t hesitate to say. “I know.”

And I’ve written a thousand poems
about love
having never held it
in shaking hands,
having never whispered it
with the sacredness
of a prayer.

And I will write
a thousand more
until my blood is heavied
with rust and salt,
until my bones wither
beneath the breadth of gravity.

I will die alone
but I’ll be damned
if I go quietly.

And if this is the last thing
you ever read,
then God bless you, tired child.

Be at peace with the world,
let me tuck you in
behind the walls of my heart,

Stay awake with me.

Know that I love you.

Wait for me to write it
a thousand times.