I am not even sure if I am with him anymore, he said he doesnt want to lose me and in the same time, that he can`t be that ”one”. I`ve been spending my last few months shattering myself in pieces for each time he would have turned his back to me, he gave me all the reasons to go away, but I didnt, and I stayed there like a machochist fighting my all my fears and waiting for him to heal me with his smile and his voice.
But for the first time… I am okay, there are no more pointless hopes. But I wonder myself, did I really loved him, or I was just a idiot who likes the idea of getting hurt?
Or maybe not… or maybe both of us are just selfish. Can`t stay, but can`t let go. So much selfishness.