Another nothing

This night I’ve been thinking about my life. Everybody is keep telling me my life was a gift from God and I should be thankful for it. From my father i’ve been learned gifts are things we all want to have. But, I don’t want to live, I didn’t asked for a life, I never felt loved, I never believed myself I’m beautiful or there is someone out there who really loves me for who I am. I don’t know why people are constantly avoiding me, why nobody never hugs me and says, that everything will be okay. I don’t even know if I was born for a reason or I was just a mistake and suprise for my parents. I guess I really was. I never want to breath again, I never want to wake up again, I am tired of smiling and I’m tired loving someone whom I don’t mean nothing. NOTHING. Why?