Sunday, March 23, 2014

A Note to those thinking of killing themselves...
I can not begin to say that I know exactly what has led you to this note. Each of us has a unique set of experiences that will lead them down a million, no, a trillion different life paths. In our world today we hear about suicide all the time. And I know that right in this moment suicide feels like the only choice. Your only escape. All I ask of you is to just breathe as you read this. I am not a great role model, and I am not here to judge anyone. I just want to give you something. To let you know that you are important. Everything that you go through, even the bad, is making you into the person you are meant to be. 
I have suffered with depression and self-harm since I was in sixth grade. Everything seemed dark, and I remember thinking that I couldn’t make it. I stood on the edge of a busy street, ready to walk in front of a car and end it. I had cuts all over my wrists, and I was ready to give up. I could not imagine my life getting any better. That was when I saw two people on the other side of the street. Two young people, they just looked so happy. They didn’t see me, they just walked along, happy and holding hands. I remember watching them, and I told myself, “I will do it tomorrow.” 
Thinking back on it now, I think of all the things I would have missed if I had killed myself that day. I would have missed meeting all of my best friends. I would have missed falling in love with two amazing guys. I would have missed feeling the pain of losing them both. I would have missed reaching my eight month mark of not cutting.
Everytime I feel down, and it still happens. I have not reached my personal happy ending yet, my story is still going, but every time I feel like I can’t make it. Even when I am crying, even when I am feeling like everything needs to stop.
I tell myself. “I will do it tomorrow.” It doesn’t have the same meaning each time. Sometimes, its just to stall cutting, sometimes its that I will be happy. But I will do it tomorrow.
If you are reading this. Know that you are loved. Because even if I have never met you. I love you. I love you for how strong you are being. I love you for being alive. I love you for your struggles, and your faults. 
I love you for your successes and your failures. We are human, we fall down sometimes. That is okay, but just know I am here to help you get back up.
Stay Strong and thank you for reading.
Love a fellow human being who sees potential and beauty in you.

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