Sunday, March 23, 2014

It all started when I was 14. My close friend committed suicide. Because of that I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The anxiety has been there since I was little. But the depression started when I lost my friend. I have had a panic attack once and it was not pretty. I felt like I was going to die. And I feel like everyone around me doesn’t care or thinks I will get better soon. I don’t feel like I will ever get better. It’s incredibly hard to make it through the day. Everyday. 
I find myself losing motivation all the time. I am now home schooled because it got so bad. And even now it’s still hard to find the strength to move an inch to do that. I try to be strong and happy because I hate people feeling sympathy for me. Telling me when I am having a bad day, “Aw I’m so sorry.” You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t feel sorry for me. I need your empathy not sympathy. It makes me feel weak.
I am going to turn 18 in a week. And I haven’t had a job, I want one, I have applied, but I am scared. I am scared, lonely, and sad. All the time. I cry, nightly over little things. I feel lost, most times. I can’t sleep. But when I do, I sleep really late. 
I think what made me really want to get in depth about this was a dream I had last night. I was in an old burnt down insane asylum and there was this girl who was chasing me. She was so scary, but yet looked like me…She grabbed me by my wrists and cut them with scissors. I woke up completely terrified. And have had a headache all day. I just want to disappear.
I wanted to make this post for a few reasons. 1. If you suffer from any disorder, you are not alone. 2. To tell you, I love you. 3. I wanted to just tell people this is who I am. I no longer want to be ashamed.
You shouldn’t either, in any case you are dealing with. I want you to know I am here for you. Any of you. You.
Please reblog this so I can share my story and help others :)
Thanks for listening <3

No comments:

Post a Comment