It's Your Happiness, Who Cares What They Say

It’s been a long time since i’ve actually felt something as strong as I do for my girlfriend right now (LGBTQ supporter all the way!). Even with my past boyfriends, it’s been bland. 

I started to grow interest for her since 2011 up until now. 

We could have been together but there were 2 things holding me back. Being a female with a female companion and her family. 

First off, being bisexual was tough. Although my friends were very accepting, my family wasn’t. My mother was watching Ellen on TV one day and she was gushing about her wife, Portia. My mother proceeded to say “ugh… who would want to live their life like that?”

I thought to myself, you mean a happy marriage, success in her career, and not to mention really freakin’ rich?

"So what? There’s nothing wrong with that" is what I said.

"What? Are you a lesbian?" is what my mother replied back with (believe me) a lot of anger and annoyance. 

I quickly denied it and kept quiet. Ever since then, it’s been hard trying to get a relationship going with someone I really cared about. This was high school.

Up until this very day, I never got a long with her sister. She has been the grievance that shrouds every inch of heedfulness towards my happiness. The epitome of complete bane. 

I will choose to disclose what happened between us in 2011 for now, because it takes away from the meaning of this.

Just this March 2014, I asked this beautiful Miss to be my girlfriend. She was so happy she cried, and of course I cried too. 

There has been this weight that’s been lifted. I’ve made her wait for 3 years and I wasn’t going to make her wait a day longer. 

Why was I letting this neanderthal ruin my happiness with the one that I love? Was I going to let her win? Let her cause me deep depression?

I couldn’t sleep at night, my mind was occupied, my grades descended, I either binge ate or wanted to puke it all out and had nothing short of just a glass of water for a whole day sometimes. Who was she to let me sink this low? This person who probably went to sleep with a smile on her face everyday while I was here self harming and killing myself. 

Having a history of contemplating suicide and inflicting self harm, i’m pretty sensitive to this kind of stuff. So yes, I get hurt easily. But no, I will never let this stop me from being happy. Never again. 

So, the moral of the story is…

Don’t let someone or something get in the way of your happiness. Sometimes you are your biggest enemy, and that’s ok. Just know that you are much stronger than you think you are.

Do what makes you want to get up in the morning.

Do what makes you smile.

You are a force to be reckoned with.

I know i’m much happier now, and it’s only the beginning.