This is my way of "Trying" to stay positive and learning to love myself.
To myself: You look amazing today.
To myself: Walk with confidence, keep your head up high.
To myself: Yes, yes thats it. I have a right to be here just as everyone else does.
To myself: Success is my portion, failure is not.
To myself: Today I failed but tomorrow, I will push harder to do better.
To myself: Woah, this is a brilliant drawing.
To myself: I’m amazing.
To myself: Tears are not a sigh of weakness.
To myself: Dammit, girl, WHY ARE YOU CRYING? Stop it! Stop it now!
To myself: Stop hating yourself.
To myself: You sung amazing in church today. I wonder if anyone else liked it…?
Mother: “You didn’t sing long enough” “You never dragged out the last word long enough” “It didn’t sound good”
To myself: Why do I bother?
To myself: Next week will be better. I will prove them wrong. Teacher: “You can’t do that”
To myself: Yes I can.
My brother: “Shut up, no one wants to hear you”
To myself: Don’t get upset, he’s a dick. *Laughs at my own thoughts*
Mother: *Takes no interest in my FMP work (Final major project)*
To myself: Whatever, I’ll just do my thing and keep it to myself.
*Sits by myself at break and lunch*
To myself: Being lonely isn’t always a bad thing, one day I’ll be needed. *Cuts myself* Well BLOODY HELL. How am I going to hide this? Lol. Please, summer, don’t come any time soon.
*Does stupid dance moves in front of brother*
*Brother cusses me*
*I grin and walk off because I’m epic*
Me: I’m sorry
To myself: Ugh, shut up! What are you apologising for? It should be them apologising to you, not the other way round!
This is my way of ‘trying’ to be positive and pretty much happens every week. When I was writing this, I did actually want to cry because I try and try and sometimes when you try and try, its never enough, not even to myself. And its a fact that we’ll always be surround by people who put us down but what we need to do is ignore it, erase it from our minds and not what is happening around us get to us. And most importantly, we should never put our happiness into somebody elses hands. We are who we are for a reason and we should never be ashamed of that.
In spite of a few things, my family is great and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They’ve hurt me a lot but I still love them a lot and think the world of them.