Dancing in the Rain

There are many days where I forget about beauty. I forget about what makes me happy and I picture myself alone. Loneliness. It’s an awful feeling. I don’t think I will ever understand why people have to feel lonely at times. Furthermore, why they have to fear it. I’ve feared loneliness and I still do fear loneliness. Why is it that I am so afraid to be alone? I long for togetherness. I long to be loved. I long to be desired.

 Desire. Haha, afraid that I won’t be desired, that people won’t like me. Yet, why do I care? I care because I don’t want to be alone. Can you tell me the reason that I am so afraid to be alone, but I am afraid to love? To open up my soul and let people in? I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t want to be forgotten about or replaced. I hate the idea of someone falling for me but then they fall harder for someone else. Insecurities seem to always get the best of me. I’ve never hated myself, but I’ve always struggled with believing that I am enough, that I am enough for someone to love, to care about, to want to spend time with. I need to practice letting people in and believing that they actually do care about me. I need to learn to love everything about myself. I have to believe in myself and believe in the beauty of life.

 Destiny. Believing in destiny. That everything works out just the way that it’s supposed to. Everything will happen in due time. However, being patient is testing. Why am I so crazy about someone that lives 2,300 miles away from me? Why have our lives crossed paths and what purpose is this serving? I don’t understand why so many questions go unanswered for so long. In light of everything else, he helps me see beauty. When I do let myself open up, I forget about questioning the universe. Laughter consumes me and for a while, my world is filled with light again. It’s pretty incredible how one person has the ability to change your outlook. I don’t think that I tell him thank you enough or that he realizes how much he helps me on a daily basis. You’re an amazing person and your heart is one of the most genuine that I have gotten to know. So, thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being my dance partner in the rain.