Saturday, March 8, 2014

                It gets better. Really.
Right here right now I am happier than I have ever been. I’m about to turn 40 this year and I feel like my life just started. Let me explain.
I was born into an abusive home in a small town, to two parents who on their best days didn’t care for me and on their worst were torturous. I endured beatings, mental agony, and abuse of several other types that I’d rather not specifiy in words. This stuff happened on a daily basis.
To make matters worse growing up I was a weird fat little kid. I developed an overeating disorder at a very young age to cope with what was going on at home and it was, in fact, encouraged by my mother. She admitted to me once when I was older that she thought “if I got so fat that I couldn't leave home I’d have to stay with her forever.”
The kids in my school hated me. In part because I was fat, gross, wore rags to school… but then of course there was the mental disorder. I was fucking crazy. Anger issues, lashing out at people. Just… I was a fucking mess.
When I became an adult and escaped that messed up situation and left that small town I had a chance to reinvent myself. I mean I started from the ground up; at one point I was homeless sleeping on the floor of a friend’s college dorm room. I saved up from part time jobs to afford my first apartment. No furniture, nothing. Just was glad to have a place to call my own.
Its been a long slow climb since then. I have had to re-learn EVERYTHING since then. how to communicate. how to deal with my mental issues. How to overcome my eating disorder. How to hold down a job. How to love.
But, fast forward to today; I’m sitting here as my very lovely and very happy newlywed wife is sleeping next to me. I have a job that I adore and I’m more successful at it than I could have ever imagined. For the first time in my life I feel like I’m in control of my eating.
It may not get better for everyone, but I can say that it did in fact get better for me. It took a lot of hard work and sometimes it does still feel very empty in my heart and head but… for the most part, I’m happier than I thought I could ever be.
whoever you are, whatever situation you’re in… there’s very few things in life that can prevent you from having a better one; If you’re willing to put in the hard work, determination, and get a little lucky along the way.
Hold on. It gets better.

No comments:

Post a Comment