I am currently on the bus. Normally, afterwork, I like to stick around and socialize with my colleges. However, today isn’t the case. And do you know why? It’s because I agreed to meet up with Tyler today. And you remember why I’m dreading this meeting? Yes, it’s because of what he said to me last summer.
You remember the message? The one he sent last April? “I’ve known you for sometime now and we have become great friends. As I’ve said before you are one of the people that have helped in powered my life and for that I thank you with all my heart but I have bin having these feelings for awhile now and I can’t hold them in any longer. I think its the right time now to tell you how I feel. I’m putting my heart and soil out here. I love you Emily. I love everything about you. You are such an incredible person with great goals to help people, You are just a kind heart person and as well very beautiful. When I see you I feel so positive and when I’m having a set back and feeling down you make me feel like bright light that just keeps shinning. Forgive me but I just thought you should know. 😊 ”
And then, I froze and I ran away. Every time he tried to talk to me afterwards… I just couldn’t. Like, my intuition said ‘I think he likes me but I’m not sure.’ And so I ignored it. I wasn’t leading him on. I was just being myself. And so it went from being comfortable being myself to being totally uncomfortable. I didn’t want to deal with anything. And I didn’t want to hurt him. I mean he is a friend and a really nice person.
I hope I’m not as “FLEE!” about these things anymore. I mean, after all, I am facing him to just meetup right now, aren’t I? And I hope I can handle it better. We’ll see how tonight goes I guess. I mean, Future Em, you do know the outcome of this. I’m slightly nervous. I don’t want to be anything more than platonic. I don’t know if he still has the same strong feelings, but the way I feel is as though he doesn’t really know much about me, except external traits. Nothing really intrinsic about me. We became friends and talked. I’d let him tell me about his issues but I have never really told him anything about myself. I don’t know. Maybe this is one thing I hate about myself and just like to dismiss it as an issue. I have weird problems.
I’m almost at Tim’s. He asked to meetup and grab some coffee. I don’t even drink coffee. I’ll buy some sort of tea though and try my best keeping this to an hour. I also need to go home and eat and finish my English and my art history and start editing photos for that RASS project. Yup. Okay. I’m overthinking. I got this.
Future Emily, I fucking wish you would just time travel to tell me the outcome. But it should go well. I blame my life for this one. Hahaha. I’ll just do it and grow and get through it.