Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I'm going through
I’m up 1:am stressed, in tears, I can’t seem to stop, I’m dealing with so much and to top it all off my Grandma who has Alzheimer’s/dementia is at end of life stages, my own mother is breaking down with breast, blood, and kidney problems, and I have multiple joint pain plus fibro and with all that I have to change my grandmas diapers, IM CHANGING MY GRANDMAS DIAPERS! She fights she spits it’s a mess and my family HAS to with no exceptions be moved out and off the property by the end of this month! We haven’t started packing, hell we haven’t had the chance because we’ve been caring for my terminal ill grandmother. My mom has sisters yes but they are older and sick and some have other responsibilities but here we are left with minor help and to boot my mother and I am not in the best of health ourselves. Ever since I’ve had to push past pain to care for my grandmother my time with my baby my only child my 14 year old daughter is not getting my attention because I’m just so exhausted! I’m just stressed I’ve had so much happen to me all at once so fast I haven’t been able to breathe, first it was my job situation I had to end up leaving one because they were cutting hours way down that let to me taking small jobs which was a huge pay deduction, then next I develop pains all over my body to the point where doctor has put me out of work, I can’t work because of my illness then next my relationship is dwindling, then I have to move back In with my mom because my partner just can’t handle everything by her self which later led to a ten year relationship which I thought was gonna end up with marriage because that’s what I was led to believe ended she just left me not a word not a goodbye just left! Then I’m alone hurting mentally and physically with the weight of reality on my back, I end up falling back in to my teenage ways, cutting, depression, anxiety and more, then faced with no where to live no money no nothing, I got a kid who wants everything and I can’t do nothing! My dream career faded, my relationship gone, my family against my my grandmother in the last stages of her life my mom wearing thin 
All this I just want to breathe
It’s 1 am and I’m still awake...

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