Friday, March 7, 2014

People don’t make life easy. Why can’t people just be honest? Why can’t people just be like “Hey, I think you’re pretty lovely, want to cuddle?”. But no, it’s complicated and people play games.
There’s this guy I’ve been talking to recently, I went to school with him, he’s a couple years older. I haven’t seen him in so long and he makes me so nervous. We’ve been texting and he’s invited me to a few parties at his house but I don’t know any of his friends and I’m scared to put myself out there. He’s so lovely though, he makes me smile all the time and he’s so handsome. I fear if he were to see me in person again, as I’ve changed a lot over the past two years, that he wouldn’t like me. I’ve really enjoyed talking to him via text and I just worry that I would loose a friend if I were to meet up with him. I don’t trust myself not to ruin things or make it really awkward.
From past experience I know that I am not good with people, many experiences actually! Another problem is that I kissed his friend once, nothing came of it but I haven’t really spoke to his friend since and he doesn’t know about it. Why would he, I’m just a girl he used to be friends with at school who he’s recently started talking to again! He was my crush at school though, he was this older guy who stood out and didn’t care what people thought, he rebelled. I still am attracted to him, he’s one of a kind. I just want to hold his hand and kiss and cuddle him and listen to music. I want to fight with him, and make up with him, I want to spend time with him and learn the curves of his face, the colours of his eyes. I sound like a right weirdo stalker I know, but he’s just so lovely and he scares me. A friend of mine told me I should go for it, that I will only regret it if I do nothing. He hasn’t done anything though that should make me put myself out there, he’s only been a friend so far, I don’t want to look a fool and ruin a friendship purely because someone was nice to me!
Girl problems are a bitch.

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