Friday, March 7, 2014

What the fuuuuuuck..
What the fuck is wrong with me. I’m just a fucking bother and waste of a human being. I feel like crap for being a shitty friend, but I literally have no idea how to help people. All I want is to be there for somebody and I just end up punching myself in the face cause I’m so awful. How can someone want to be something so bad but be so unable?!? I am just fucking ruining everything, again. My best friend says that I’ve been there for him all the time and that I’m a great friend, yet on my side it looks like I can never comfort him (or anyone else). Whenever I’m down he calls and makes me feel fine, but how the hell do I do that for someone else?!? I try and ask what’s wrong and I try and help them see that what they are feeling is totally valid and I try to see if there’s some way to “fix” their problem and I try and think of something to distract them and lighten the mood. I just crash and burn. Let’s be honest, trying isn’t enough. “Just try your best, your best is always enough”. Such fucking bullshit. My best is my worst and that fucking rips me apart inside. I should just be left alone so I can’t disappoint people. Just only keep my best friend and hide away from the rest of the world. It’s not like they’d miss me. No one ever says “damn. Where’s Candice when I need her. I could really benefit from just talking to her right now”. No, because I’m a fucking disgrace and I’m a fucking stupid bitch. I’m just so fucking pissed and displeased with myself lately. Jesus fucking christ I am sorry for this being on your dash, but damn someone out there has got to feel the same. Right? probably not because most people are good friends and no matter how bad I want to be a great fucking friend, I just can’t. I wasn’t born for that I suppose..

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