Friday, March 7, 2014

Yesterday was kind of a kick in the gut. I have this friend and he knows that I’m gay and honestly, he’s a bit flamboyant as well. Anyway, at work a customer assumed he was gay and at the time he seemed to take it with a grain of salt. It wasn’t until later that he told me it had bothered him, so like any person would I asked him why. Here is what he said “I don’t want someone assuming that I’m gay, it’s just gross and wrong” now if he had been someone else, I would have gotten pissed off…well more than I got anyway, but because I didn’t want to beat the shit out of him, I just nodded, grabbed my Starbucks and walked out to meet my mom in the parking lot. I guess I was hurt more than I was mad, because here is this sweet guy, who I thought cared about me, not five minutes before this whole thing, he said he loved me. Yet, he still said what he said. I’m not sure if I can still be his friend..or if I even want to, I mean, how can I know if he secretly thinks that I’m ‘gross’ or ‘wrong’, how can I know what he really thinks of me?
Normally I wouldn’t care what someone else thought, but he is one of the few friends I’ve made since moving and I just, I’m not emotionally equipped to deal with this bullshit…it scares me to death.
I mean, I’m not ashamed of who I am or who I love, but in that moment, when he was so angry, it cracked my heart a little and made me want to scurry into my safe little corner, to go back to lying to myself. Which is why I’m not sure if I should keep talking to him…anyway, I’m done with this rant…

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